Sunday, February 28, 2010

They're Not Conspiracy Theories IF I HAVE PROOF!

Sigh... it's just more of Hollywood's racist casting whitewashing. The original Lassie had to take the secret of his Jewish roots to his grave- true story!

Psh. Another pretentious film studen- I mean, oh! This is so insightful, I thought I'd put it here so you guys see what a GOOD review looks like! Puts me in mind of Federico Fellini's #3 Hyundai Sonata mise en scene, in fact... I'm a genius!!

It's the most touching film about the lessons bulls must learn since "Raging Bull", about a prized bull that needed to work on his anger issues/right hook. It flared whenever he saw red- he would see red. Still, this one is great & a little less pretentious.

(Insomniac Zac assures me no bulls were bbq'd in the making of this Photoshop!)

Scarlett Johansson was 16-17 when she made this movie- and really? You rent a movie called "Eight Legged Freaks", that's rated PG-13, expecting topless scenes of two actresses- one underaged? This takes a new, towering level of perverted optimism in film reviewing that Hightly could only dream of...

So we see the problem come full circle. Someone FINALLY trying to better their reviewing skills, and Netflix continually keeps them down by sending them damaged discs. I'm starting to think this is what you want, Netflix.

Is this some kind of multi-leveled conspiracy? Are you in with the big Hollywood studios, breeding new reviewers that are so incomprehensible that the movie watchers will no longer be able to understand them, thus will never be warned of awful movies?!

If this blog disappears soon, you'll know why. I'll leave you guys instructions, hidden in code, in a review of Sanford & Son: Season 3 in the event of my assassination.


  1. I know bulls used to torment me all the time in high school. I'm glad someone finally stood up to them! They think they're all cool 'cause they get to stand around with horns and nose rings and hump cows all day. Well, I could do that too!

  2. Oh lord, do NOT get me started on the nose rings. The worst was this exchange student, Ferdinand. He was in the closet and instead of just being awesome and accepting it, he'd take girls on dates just to gore them. SO glad high school is over!!

  3. Not to mention "Lassie's" secret gender!

    You can't blame the bulls for being bulls though, can you? I need a movie from the bulls' point of view. They can't ALL be smelling the flowers all day, after all.

    Someone exhausted all the real opportunities to see Kari Wuhrer's breasts and was hoping Eight-Legged Freaks would provide more? Dedication

    The son's not interested in learning to read with phonics? I sense trouble ahead.