Monday, May 16, 2011

We're Back! (not) A Dinosaur Tale

Wow, more than a year for an update! Well I'm back updating (at a slightly slower pace than I did before, however). If you enjoy please leave comments so I know this is worth continuing- I'm so insecure! Anyway, let's dive back into this madness, shall we?

Actually, the Super Bowl ad was the third movie. The 3-hour toy movie they're going to release in theaters is going to be Transformers 4, which takes off where #3, the prequel to #4, left off. Talking robot babies breakdance while using E*Trade, and Betty White (who transforms into a '77 Cutlass Supreme) teaches Shia LaBouf how to love and be sassy and eat Snickers.

Megan Fox actually has a disorder to stay in the Transformer franchise- as in she literally cannot appear in a non-Transformers movie. All the other films she supposedly appeared in were just sophisticated cardboard stand-ins of Megan Fox with voice chips attached. Sometimes I suspect Michael Bay just lacks the fuck giving capabilities of anything remotely sentient- mind you this is a pet theory of mine.

This only scratches the surface. His mom only liked the second in the series. Dad found the movies lacking but really enjoyed the pink paper version of the script; grandma came on board for the Goldenrod one. His older brother only ironically likes the toys until he gets a girlfriend (or the value significantly drops on the secondary market). His kids will not get to see this because nobody wants to have sex with a Transformers movie fan.

Hugh hopes crash hard, especially if you're familiar enough with Rob Schnieder's ouvere that you can refer to his movie as "Deuce B".

Your guess is as good as mine.


  1. To quote Raiders of the Lost Ark, "I am so pleased you are not dead!"

    Y'know what? I'm just gonna come out and say it: Megan Fox really WAS the best thing about the first two Transformers movies. Also, I hate Megan Fox with the anger of a thousand burning suns, which are also clenched inside angry fists, which are themselves on fire (this is extra fire, not fire related to the burning suns). So, y'know, there is THAT.

  2. Thanks kid! I'm glad we both survived the year. I gotta admit I have a crush on Megan Fox, I just wish she was a humble pin-up model or something.

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