Blind Leading the Blind

I TOTALLY agree! It's so nice seeing millionaire actors playing ORDINARY PEOPLE pretending and making jokes about TOILING TO MAKE LIFE WORK within RV-centric hijinks. Just like most of us do!

I always said The Rock should play Medusa, but who listens to me? Apparently this person would! Wouldn't be able to understand anything they'd say, but at least I'm not alone anymore..

Also, reviewing an unreleased film based on its trailer on Youtube? Cripes these reviewers are cutting-edge.

What if I don't like horrific romantic comedies that are neither romantic nor comedic? Talk about making me covet a little violence... (or a lot, as the case may be)

WOW, dude, lay off! :( Julianne Moore... please don't be so sensitive! You were in Boogie Nights AND The Big Lebowski. Don't let anyone push you around, red.

Yeah, Netflix should really fact-check better...

Rare, unsigned Hightly Reccomen reviews. These bad, big-boobed gals sadly did not earn his signature. Enjoy!

The Moviegoer vs. The Evil Film Critics vs. Hightly Reccomen

For those of you wondering why I made that podcast, well... here's why.

The Netflix community- which, of course, is like the UN of the world's moviegoers- was crying out for Hightly Reccomen. For a change from those evil, rich, mean-spirited reviewers that ONLY care about ruining our good time! Don't believe me? Then cup your ear to the cries of revolution on the streets, and read on...

Some of you cynics might be thinking to yourself, "Dude, it's not the critics fault... you just have awful, vomit-inducing, migraine-creating, unrefined, too-horrific-to-even-laugh-at taste in movies."

Sooo cynical.

Hell yeah! The success of a movie based on toys that cost... well, a lot... deserve to be #1! Because Hollywood cares about us, the movie lovers! They aren't cranking out soulless pap with big explosions and giant robot testicles for the Evil Film Critics- it's for us! The people they laugh at while they take our money for watching what is essentially a near 3-hour commercial! Take THAT!

Even if they did see the show- it's like they expected the movie to stand on its own merits and be entertaining, or something!! I hate those fancy Hollywood critics so much....

To be fair, I think with a director with the name "Shankman" should be making sweet, violent, sexy exploitation films...

Now that's a bedtime story!

Hear that, poor, beleaguered movie watcher? It's the winds of change, blowing away from those evil movie critics asses that pick on Larry

the Cable Guy just 'cuz he's awesome and AMERICAN, and towards a new generation of reviewer. Enjoy.

Bask in its glow... that's what it's there for...

Thank you, Hightly.

The Tale of Hightly Reccomen: Renegade Film Reviewer

The first audio entry of the blog! Here is (part 1?) of my look into the work of Hightly Reccomen. Please feel free to click his name under this post and peruse his reviews while I discuss his influence and share some of his reviews- some posted here, and some new ones!

Comment | Copy This

You can also download the mp3 here- hightlyreccomen.mp3

Ride the Funky Freedom Train of Love, Baby!

He's... free...

(Play the video for the full majesty!

Free...

Ooo... Google needs to do a Caligula-themed search commercial asap.

Nude Roman commune... the Romans were the first dirty, free-lovin' hippies in history, you know. Very educational film, this.

I don't know... it seems like a fairly lateral move to me.

I think you mean a 3 inch part!

*rimshot*

Does it? Really? Because I would think it'd be more like "Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who's the DEADEST one of all?"

or

"The most MURDERED of them all?"

or

"The most STABBED of them all?"

or

"The most- HOLY SHIT THERE'S A GHOST IN THE MIRROR!"

"TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS!"

Just funkaaay!

Don't question it, baby

Cruz OUT of Control! Ha!

(Click image for regular size, though you really won't need to.)

Wait- what's required whenever Cruz is on screen?

Your lack of clarity makes these reviews unreadable.

That guy from that piano movie: "Jesus Christo woman, what are you saying??"

CRUZ TRANSLATION: "I will now consume your soul through your neck flesh with my alien suction fingers, Adrien Brody."*

*(I'd like to thank the Church of Scientology Celebrity Center for providing the translation. You guys are the best!!)

This is why I'm hot.

No, seriously. Caution.

Nice, huh? Wait for it...

Mmmhmm....

IT'S CALLED A SPOILERS TAG YOU STUPID BITC- oh, wait- you're hot? Um... you review here often? Heh. That movie looked lame anyway, I don't care that you spoiled the ending, it's cool...

Pee in the pores? As a beauty tip I find this disgusting, but she IS hot... dammit. I can't argue with that. Dammit.

I think I've uncovered the secret to becoming hot... urine! The nuns were right all along!

(Keep those sinful thoughts in check or she'll put that out in your eye- that's hot nun
justice!)

Bedazzled Aliens Murder Bill Murray's Ghost Baby

Ghost raping based on a true story... but yeah, the weird part when her son has more cajones than her boyfriend.

You... do know Bill Murray is still alive and making movies, right?

Right?

Sometimes I feel that there are reviewers that just want to mess with peoples heads. Maybe she's punishing whoever would want to rent these movies, so she injects a migraine into their skulls via the typed word.

Need more evidence?

I TOLD YOU!! Ha. Ha! I told you all...

"If This Person Was A Filmmaker: In Four Images" Presents 21:

"I want to get into this collage."

"Dazzle me. I mean- dazzel me ???"

DAZZZZEELLLZZZ!!!

=

Diddnt see that commin!

Porn stars, religion & bodily functions, Nickelback + more...

See? I'm not the only one that reviews reviews! Or needs a life!

*sobs quietly into my snark*

You mean... Nic Cage? No, no, Hightly Reccomen (underground reviewer extraordinaire- he even got into an advance screening!!) wouldn't get something like that wrong. LOOK HE IS A SUPERHERO.

Makes two thumbs up look downright pedestrian, eh?

That nun peeing quota gets filled up REALLY quickly... I blame the communion wine.

Finally, a direct critique to Rod, the true (penis) power behind Ron "Penis" Jeremy's acting prowess. Well played.

That's what she said?

Hell yeah they do. These are the streets Nickelback are from:

CANADA, SON!

(Shout-out the Cammy for bringing this to my attention. Thanks, I guess??)